MONDAY-10.8.2001 Wrap-Up

HOLLYWOOD, FL
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My eyes are running, my nose is dribbling and my head is spinning...where did this cold come from??? In the background I hear the faint “tock..tock..tock of a computer keyboard, ok... now I got it.... I climb ever so slowly from bed and shuffle into the office to find Illy, at her usual Sunday morning perch in front of her computer, downloading more bits of seemingly useless information… and in the process of rehashing another of those never ending “templates" that the mucky mucks at BAPCO are so hot to have and have yet to figure out what to do with.
Nothing new here....
“How do you feel?” she asks.
“You’re not going to believe this”, I Say, “but I just had the weirdest dream.
“Oh Really she asks?”

"I dreamt that we were flying to Florence, Italy in a plane that got hit by lightning... Then we walked all over the town trying to find art, history and a leather coat. Then we’re on this strange train ride to Rome, where again we wandered all over town taking pictures in the strangest places, and met some cute Italian boy that we tried to gift wrap for Christina but he was already engaged. Some how a couple of brides and weddings got mixed into it along with the Coliseum. And then.... now get this really weird part... we rented a car, drove along this really crazy winding road at night to some quirky little village that hung off a cliff.... and then we wound up in Pompeii only to find a street named Via Mercurio... and now comes the really strange part... we took this boat... car and all... to Sicily to find my father’s, father’s birth place... and actually found it!!! And then we take the boat back to the mainland to find my Mother’s, father’s birth place, some place high in the mountains and meet a guy that imitates Steve Martin [a little too old for Christina] and he helps us find Pop’s info too!! Then we have lunch with these really nice strangers who thought we were relatives and then the next thing ya know we’re heading back to Rome @ 100+ MPH to wind up in this seedy little hotel because its near the train station... Then we wander all over Rome again!!!
The next thing I know, I’m waking up with this lousy cold. That had to be the Wackiest dream I’ve ever had!!!!"

Illy looked at me with that wistful smile of hers and with her eyes misting up she says, “Honey, that was no dream.”
Pointing to the 11 rolls of film and the panoramic throwaway camera on the desk, she beams,

“And I’ve got Proof!! Go take a shower, clear your head and come back to finish NOWAT ITALIA for our friends and Family.”

Well dear hearts… that’s just what I did. After a long hot shower and a quick run to the beach for Jamaican Eggs Benedict, we stopped at the mall to get the film developed. And now that the head is a little clearer, I can deliver the final Volume of NOWAT ITALIA and the finale of our Adventures in Italy.

Sit back and take a deep breath, this WILL NOT be a short ride.

As I related in the last note, we arrived back in Rome, too late for the car return, and had to stow it at a car park overnight. After checking into the hotel, the ever Hungry Illy, has now decided that we just MUST find the Piazza Navona to have dinner at one of those “cute little tourist Ristorantes” and browse the shops. So we ask this nice Polizia at the Stazione Termini near the hotel, for the best way to get there. He of course says, “You must take the A Train” [sounds like an old Jazz tune to me] to the Spanish Steps. The Piazza Navona is not far from there.... just a short walk.

Now here’s the deal.... DO NOT ever ask a cop in Italy for directions and expect to get a “Short Walk”. It went something like this: “Quando si arriva a Espagna, scendre Via Condotti, Sempre Diritto, a Via Cavor. Gira Sinistra, Sempre Diritto a il due semaforo y gira’ destra, sempre diritto [everything is “Sempre Diritto”] y Aproprio li !”

Loosely translated... ”When you get to the Spanish Steps, go down via Condotti [Rome’s version of Beverly Hills’ Rodeo Drive] straight ahead [Sempre diritto] to Via Cavor,” [another Kamakazie favored street, which properly is 4 lanes across, except at a stop light, where it then becomes 7 or 8 across---on one side!!! ... depending on the time of day] “Take a left on Via Cavor then, Hang a right at the second [or was it the 3rd] stop light [semaforo] and go straight ahead and there it is!” Yeah.... Right.... After arriving at the Spanish Steps and after 3 stops to verify this “short way” before we head out, one cop says... “Oh si signore... only 1 or 2 Kilometers.”
Yeah..... Right... and this Sempre Diritto stuff....
They forget to mention that there are a few slight lefts and slight rights etc... leading down some very interesting alleys and out again. Approximately “4” kilometers, 3 Cianare-u’s and we finally arrive at Piazza Navona, to collapse at the first nice looking spot.
I hustle off to pick up some spare Metro Tickets at the Tabacci to get us back to the hotel. After a leisurely meal, watching the mimes, gigolo’s, tourists and various street hustlers in the Piazza, we head out back to the Spanish Steps, the closest Metro station, only to find that the Metro shuts down at 11.30!!!

Soooo.... now we can’t go back the way we came.... the gates are closed behind us.... we are now trekking up the steps… and up the steps... and up the steps... out of the closed metro station... towards the far end of Via Veneto, which we follow to the Chica Chica Boom Club [still didn’t get in to see what all the fuss about this place was] and Flag down a Taxi who delivered us safely to the Hotel. Whewwww!

The next day.... I head out early while Illy plays hug-a-bed... [she needed it] to retrieve the car and return it Avis. [Don’t tell them about the tire rim, the boys in Montecalvo Irpino did such a good repair job, nobody will know] I was even able to talk him into covering the charges for the overnight parking because he closed early on me the night before. [They really didn’t but Hey....ya gotta give them a little guilt trip once in a while for all their Roman Attitude!!!] Now with a reduced bill in hand [can’t wait for them to get the traffic ticket in the mail from the Famous Naples Cianare-U in front of the cops at the tunnel]

I stop to pick up tickets for the train to the Airport Saturday morning. Now, the train is named the Leonardo “Express”.... after the Leonardo Da Vinci airport.... but trust me...as we found out at 5.51Am on Saturday, it is ANYTHING BUT an express. A supposed 28 minute ride took 54 minutes,putting us in a race for.... but wait..... again I’m ahead of the story. Anyhow.... got the tickets and Took Illy out for a quick breakfast, [the one at the hotel was so crowded that it wasn’t worth it] and headed out for a final “Arrivederci Roma”. Well not really Arrivederci, more like Ciao, because we had already decided that there was so much we hadn’t seen or could catch up with in just one day that a return trip would be in order soon.

Sooooo… of course the natural first stop was the Trevi fountain for a little insurance in the form of the traditional over the shoulder coin toss. Now remember the little pig in Florence, [Il Porcelino with coin drop off the tongue through the grates to insure a speedy return to Florence? Well if the legend, and the Rosano Brazzi “3 coins in the Fountain” movie hold true.... Chuckie will be back in Rome as well as Florence next year, while Illy, on the other hand, never even made the water on 3 tries.... [to be fair.... they chose this morning to drain and clean the fountain, so they had it roped off a bit too far back for the average person to pitch over the shoulder with any luck.] So as it stands... [We stopped a local Chiesa [church] for a little divine intervention with the coin bit and pray that] Illy may return with Chuck soon. [Of course she has got to get him past Florence first, where he has threatened to jump ship, get an apartment on the Arno and send Illy home to ship back his computer and files.]

Now we head out to finish our tour of Rome, pick up a few souvenirs, [”chotchkie’s” as Illy has taken to calling them] and see how many more Cianare-u’s we can make. Along the way, we decided to stop at a bank to change money for the purchases. Now hear this... If you ever have the choice of: doing any banking in Rome, or having root canal work... Choose the root canal! After standing in line at 4 different banks, only to find that 2, which advertised “Change” facilities don’t do it anymore... [But The signs are still all over the bank!!] The other 2 had impossibly long lines so we finally had to double back 4 blocks to the Banco De Roma. Here they at least had some place to sit while you waited for your number to be called [yep.... just like the deli at Publix] Cute digital sign “dings” your number and indicates the teller to go to.

On the Way out, Illy spots a little Carousela [Horse and Buggy] and decides that since we didn’t do one in Florence... NOW’s the time!! Sooooo… Back to the Trevi Fountain to find the right horse. Ya gotta understand... the ever humane, Tree Hugging and animal sensitive Cuban lady must first bond with the proper horse before she’ll get into the carriage... DON’T ASK... just work with me here!!!! So now we’re clomping along en-route to all the places we’ve already been to.... [but Hey....it’s in a carriage with a cute horse!!!!] First the Spanish Steps and the Monument to Michelangelo [don’t they have enough tributes to him yet???] which is to be dedicated by the Pope at the end of October, [Missed him again!!.... He gives blessings in St Peter’s on Wednesday... we arrive on Thursday! He comes out for blessings on Sunday... We leave on Saturday! Can’t seem to win with this GUY...] On with the clomp.... clomp... clomp to a quick glimpse from afar of the former women’s prison, Castel San Angelo near St Peter’s, [hey... I thought we were supposed to be getting a ride along the Tiber... A quick stop at the Argentine forum, another excavation in the middle of Rome, which is also now a Cat Sanctuary.... [you won’t believe the number of cats here...

Which reminds me....The Coloseo is also overrun with the alleged direct descendents of the famous Lions/Christian battles, but in a 1/16th scale model] The Argentine Forum is also adjacent to the Curia where, as all of you history buffs will recall ‘twas on that fateful day in March that Julius Ceasar felt a stabbing pain and then asked Brutus about his lunch plans. [“Et Tu Brute”? OK...OK bad pun....] Then we were off to Piaza Navona.... [Again] for some more Photo ops, then south to the Capital and finally Piazza Venezia, where you COULD gain access as opposed to an earlier erroneous report that you couldn’t. That’s what I get for asking a local hooker on a motor scooter that first night in the rain. After taking a picture of yet another monument to either Da Vinci or Michelangelo [can’t remember which by now] we set off to climb E V E R Y - L A S T S T E P of the Piazza Venezia for some stunning pictures. Then back down to stop by the Capital, considered to be one of the best Museums in Rome [which of course we did not have time to go into] Which also had its grand entrance and courtyard designed by Michelangelo, [this boy really does got around]. We then wandered around out back to discover the north end of the Foro Romano, or Roman Forum where, it is said, that Romulus and Remulus, legendary founders of Rome [who were raised by a wolf no less… perhaps this explains the Roman Gigolos [Wolves]…

Ok… OK, I’ll get on with it… where the Wolf boys built the foundation of the Roman empire in a Swamp. Upon tripping down the treacherous path, we met Signore Federico, who for a paltry sum will be our guide. The ever-skeptical Illy is not too keen on this idea because of his utterly disheveled look, but the ever-amused Chuckie is taken by this threadbare old man and senses an immediate passion for the subject is at hand [aside from his obvious passion for the grape]. It was well worth the price, Federico’s oratory truly blazed with passion, his deep insight and commentary as well as little known facts made the trip through the Forum most enjoyable and informative. When you get to Rome... this is another MUST stop, just to see the enormity of the ruins here and ponder the glory that was Rome. Quick pics around including the Cute archeological students working in the excavation, then a metro ride to Via Cavor [can’t escape this street.] and our last meal in Rome.

Cute little bar, where Chuck once again hustles the poor waiter out of a Cafe Cup [he’s been doing this all over Italy and has now completed his set of 6] and off to finish the souvenir hunt and find an internet kiosk to pen the last NOWAT from Rome. A stop along the way nets a canister of “ILLY” coffee, [wait till you see her picture under the “ILLY” sign in Sicily] and a special “ILLY” Collections Cafe Cup. A supposed real bargain $50 later!!! Chuck is still wondering how she pulled that one off [Wait… remember the 6 cups in Florence @ $80?] [Note to Chuck: do not let Illy do the bargaining... for AnyThing!]

Just a quick note for all of you who were expecting Holy Water from the Vatican... Fuhgedaboudit!!! It seems that you just can’t buy it anywhere!!! There seems to be a bit of a moral dilemma about selling the stuff. And… the only continual suggestion we got was to fill a bottle at some church when they weren’t looking, which for my part left doubt about the sanctity of something you had to steal from the church in the first place. So... to those in real need, please feel free to stop by your local parish with a bottle of Evian and have Father Tony bless it for you. I am told it works just the same.

By now it’s 9pm and time to see if the Credit card machine at the hotel has been fixed [wouldn’t want to stiff them on the bill, cause Chuckie has not enough cash left, cause Illy got all her Chotchkie’s... and the banks are closed. Of course the night desk clerk has no idea of what is happening, seems like the day crew forgot to pass on the details, or how to work the credit card machine.[sound familiar Rene’?] After a little persuasion, he finally calls someone who walks him through hooking up the right machine and all is well in Rome as we finish packing and crash for the night.

An early wake up call [he did get that one right] has us off to the Stazione Termini looking for a quick Cafe before boarding the afore mentioned Leonardo Express, only to find: you can’t get a cup of Cafe until after 7AM!! Since we leave at 5.41am, we have to wait until the “express” gets to the airport. Now from day one we have been told that due to all the increased security, we need to be at the airport no later than 2 hours in advance. Of course there is no way since the “Leonardo” wasn’t due to get there until 1½ hours in advance, and of course since it is running 30 minutes late.... we are hauling Ass to get to the check in counter... which is 10 deep.... but we make it through with time to spare for a quick cafe because… the flight is delayed getting off the ground....of course!

Now, once in Milan, we originally had only about 45 minutes to make the connection to Miami but now the plane from Rome is almost 35 minutes late.... and we have to clear Italian customs with only one line out while there were 3 coming in... and… of course you know the gate is at the other end of the airport... so here we are hauling Ass again only to find..... Due to increased security... [There are cops all over the plane] we are delayed first 15, then 30 then 45, and finally, 1 hour later, we are ready for boarding. Of course not before the carry on baggage and passports are checked 3 times before we can get past the gate, which is fine with me, rather safe than...

We finally lift off from Milan, take the last picture on the last roll of film of the tops of the French Alps and Bid Ciao to Italy. Flight home, the usual tedious 12 hour, jet lag producing stupor, which is made more tedious because now Chucky has a full dose of the Cold Illy caught in Florence and the fluctuating pressure in the cabin has his Sinus’ doing the Barometric BasaNova .

The pilot found Miami without a cianare-U… [I guess we were the only ones doing that] and we prepared to maneuver customs, where of course they had to confiscate my Prosciuto, [I did not know Mad Cow disease worked on Pigs] but that’s what they said. We did get through with some great Parmigiano-Reggiano and REAL Provologne. Then we almost had to arm wrestle the Customs officer over the Home made wine from Giusspe Mara- the miller in Montecalvo Irpino but she finally relented when the now exhausted Cuban Lady Swore to drink it then and there before she would surrender it. [Those of you at BAPCO KNOW that look in her eyes and how she can be when she digs her heels in!]

We were told I-95 was a parking lot so our ride home cut through Hialeah [as if you can just cut through Hialeah on a Saturday] and arrived safely in Hollywood.

To our Friends, Family and innocent bystanders who have received all our notes: We sincerely hope you have enjoyed traveling Italy with the Wacky American Tourist and the ever lovely if not sometimes Feisty Cuban Lady. Thanks for bearing with our little diatribe, we pray that we haven’t bored you too much with our fun, follies, adventures and sometimes anal details of what will forever be the most memorable two weeks of our lives. I will never look at another pictures of the DAVID, the Piata’ or the Sistine Chapel again without remembering the awesome majesty of Michelangelo’s genus. Nor can we ever forget the true raw emotion of walking the soil of my ancestors, or the fabulous mountain vistas above the clouds, or the Excitement that is Florence, or.... or.... Ahhhhh.... VIVA ITALIA!!!

The 356 pictures have been developed and they came out better than we had hoped for. They had trouble getting the last 3 rolls on a disk because the machine broke down, but we’ll have them in the next couple of days. As soon as we can get it organized we’ll either put them up on a web site for all to enjoy or perhaps arranged in a Powerpoint Slide show. Hell, the ever anal Chuck may even annotate them to match the NOWAT journals... but don’t count on it. Again, thanks for traveling with us we just wish you could have been along to really savor the sights, sounds and flavors that are Exclusively Italy.

May God Bless y’all with Love, Peace and Happiness!

Ciao 4 Now, Chuck and the thoroughly exhausted, but very content Cuban Lady